23 | Find Joy When Motherhood Feels Hard
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I might be writing this episode for myself.
I’m in a really sweet season of motherhood right now. My kids are at great ages where they play well together and it feels like there are plenty of hours in the day to do what I need to do. But, I’m expecting baby #4 (we’ll have four kids under four) in a few months, so that could all change.
I believe in speaking life over our circumstances, so I don’t want to fear the transition. But, I’m aware everything will shift again soon, so I plan to hold everything loosely during that time.
Let’s talk about what helps me find joy in motherhood, especially when things are hard.
The “Motherhood Is Hard” Narrative
I know this phrase is everywhere: motherhood is hard. And I get it—because it is. But I have mixed feelings about how often and how casually it’s said.
Motherhood is hard in the same way that anything truly important and meaningful is hard. It stretches you. It sanctifies you. It grows you. Of course it’s going to be work.
But saying "motherhood is hard" without context can be unhelpful—especially when you're not sure if what you're going through is normal hard or not okay hard. It’s a lot like the “marriage is hard” narrative. Without clarity, it can cause more confusion than comfort. It may cause someone to stay in an unhealthy situation without seeking help thinking “well, marriage is supposed to be hard.”
Is motherhood really to blame?
Yes, motherhood is hard—but it’s not only hard. I truly believe that life is hard, and motherhood actually makes it sweeter and more worth living.
It can be easy to blame motherhood for being hard when maybe the bigger struggle is our marriage, our finances or the to-do list we’re idolising.
I’ve had a few days this week where I found myself annoyed by the “interruptions” and I needed a mindset shift. I was getting wrapped up in my hobbies and my own agenda and finding it hard to stop what I was doing. It wasn’t really my kids that were the problem or “motherhood” as a whole, it was that I was having trouble being selfless and remembering what truly matters.
Our kids are listening.
When we constantly focus on the difficulty, especially in front of our kids, it shapes how we see our role—and how our children see themselves. I’m not saying we need to fake smiles or fall into toxic positivity, but I am saying our words matter.
One of the biggest blessings I had growing up was a mom who made it clear that she enjoyed being with me. She didn’t just love me—she liked me. That shaped so much of who I am, and it reminds me to be intentional with how I speak about motherhood in my own home.
We are influencing future mothers.
If you know my story, you know I caught one whiff of mom-humour online and thought, “that’s not for me.” I almost missed the biggest blessing because I believed all the warning labels women slap on motherhood in an effort to be funny.
I’m very aware that my words have the power to shape someone’s perspective on motherhood, even in my own home with my daughter. Again, I don’t want to be fake or sugar-coat it, but I want to represent motherhood well and share what a joy and blessing it is!
You’re not bad for feeling sad
Every season has its own challenges, but some are just objectively tougher. For me, going from two to three kids was a huge adjustment. We had three under three, and I ended each of those early days completely exhausted. Even though I often wondered “how am I going to do this?” there was still joy to be found.
If you're in one of those rough seasons, please don’t take it as a sign that you’re doing something wrong or that you’ll be stuck in that place forever. Hard does not mean you’re doing it wrong.
I used to be so hard on myself for feeling sad or frustrated. As a teenager, I’d feel guilt on top of every difficult emotion. That guilt made everything worse.
It wasn’t until I got pregnant for the first time that I found freedom in my emotions. When I was sad, I didn’t overthink it. I just let it be. Same thing postpartum—when my midwife told me I might feel weepy when my milk came in, it helped me expect it and not panic when it hit.
That perspective carried me forward. Now, even when I feel sad for no obvious reason, I remind myself: this will pass. I don’t make those negative emotions mean I’m a bad person.
(Of course, if you’re feeling overwhelmed with really dark thoughts, please don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support. I'm speaking here about general emotional ups and downs.)
Where Are You Finding Fulfilment?
Sometimes we place impossible expectations on motherhood to fulfil us. Maybe you thought, this is it—this will make me feel fulfilled. And when it doesn’t quite live up to that dream, it’s easy to feel disappointed and lost.
But nothing in this world fully satisfies—except God.
It’s not a quick fix, and it’s definitely not an easy journey. But if you feel distant from Him right now, don’t let that stop you from taking one small step. Maybe it's opening your Bible even if you can't process the words. Maybe it's praying something messy like, God, I don’t even know what to say to you right now.
If you need help getting back into the Word, I wrote a devotional called Bible Time Take Back. It's designed specifically for moms who want to reconnect with God but feel stuck in a spiral of guilt. I pray this will feel like a lifeline in seeking that first step.
Gratitude Really Matters
I know gratitude can sound cheesy. But I’m fully on board. Gratitude has the power to shift your perspective more than almost anything else.
Our thoughts tend to repeat themselves day after day—unless we’re intentional about interrupting them. And gratitude is one way to break that negative cycle.
When I was a teenager working at a summer camp, I was super lonely and overwhelmed. I didn’t know anyone at this camp or how to do half the tasks assigned to me, but one day, I decided to try to find just one part of the day I could look forward to. I wanted to find one thing I wouldn’t dread so much.
That little act of intentionality helped me realise there were actually a few good parts in each day! And suddenly, I wasn’t dreading any of it anymore, and I was even enjoying myself. That one interruption to my thought spirals changed everything.
Start small. Pick one thing each day to be grateful for—even if it's something small like the color of your coffee mug or the sound of birds outside. My husband and I do a little daily check-in where we share our high and low from the day. It helps me pause and intentionally find one good thing.
Lower Your Standards
Another key to finding joy in motherhood? Set realistic expectations for the season you’re in. Maybe you have a newborn, so your bathrooms are only getting cleaned every other week. Maybe it’s finally time to stop folding your laundry or give up on waking up before your kids.
I’m not trying to raise kids who remember a perfectly clean house. I want them to remember a mom at peace delighting in their silly stories and reading books together.
Keeping the house running matters, but you know it’s not what matters most.
Delete Instagram
I think it’s possible to be fairly happy and grateful in motherhood without this next step, but if you really want to level up, delete Instagram from your phone. At least try it as an experiment!
I’ve been of social media for over a year, but I recently took the last step and disabled YouTube on my phone too. I keep saying to my husband, “There is so much time in a day,” now that I’m not getting stuck scrolling shorts!
I also find it so much easier to be thankful for what’s in front of me when I’m not getting constantly interrupted by other people’s lives. I even caught myself marvelling at my snowy view the other day because there were no pretty vacation pictures sowing seeds of envy!
Final Thoughts
Wherever you’re at in your motherhood journey—whether it’s a sweet season or a heavy one—I want you to know this: there is Joy to be found. Not just someday, out there, but right here, right now.
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